n

n

nNot knowing what to do next Eldrian simply took another sip of his drink. Trying to hide his unease behind the cup.

n

"Don't act like that, it is fine for you to drink.

" Vivian said after seeing that Eldrian was trying to avoid the topic,

"Just don't down it all, this stuff isn't lite.

" As she said the last part she grabbed herself a cup and took a sip too.

nThese beer cups certainly weren't small, with them easily holding over half a liter of ale. This led to it looking quite funny to Eldrian when Vivian took a small sip. The water level of the ale not decreasing at all after her sip.

n

"Thanks, I guess,

" Eldrian replied, feeling much better seeing her also drinking, even though she was clearly going to drink much slower than him. It just felt good for him to not be the only one drinking, well with those he was talking with.

nJust as he felt it was becoming weird again he heard cheers from across the tent. Looking over he saw that a group of people was standing over two others. These two seemed to be in an intense arm-wrestling match, almost perfectly matched.

nWatching them acting so carefree Eldrian felt like joining, until he saw the loser having to down an entire cup. Making him realize it would be very bad for him to join, since he was quite certain he was literally the weakest person here. Joining would only mean he would soon pass out.

n

"Don't you want to join them?' Vivian teased, making Eldrian smile and shake his head.

nVivian understood why these guys were enjoying themselves, a part of her also wanted to join in on it. But she stopped herself, wanting to be able to work through the pain of loss on her own. She knew it wasn't all that important, but she wanted to try. At least for her first time, as a way to test if she could really handle what war meant. And more importantly what being in a war personally was going to mean to her.

nShe also didn't want to become reliant on an external influence to cope. While only the commander's tent and nobles were holding a feast, this didn't mean the other soldiers weren't drinking.

nIn fact, the town had offered more than enough ale to the army to get everyone completely drunk twice. But only the troop leaders and nobles decided to make a party or feast, in the case of the leaders, out of it.

nThe nobles partied because they wanted to get wasted and forget everything, while also indulging themselves in whatever they fancied.

nThe commanders and troop leaders wanted to hold a feast, not as a way to get drunk and forget. But rather as a way to come together and remember those lost. While not getting lost in their loss.

nThe entire army wasn't having a feast because most of the soldiers were new to war. This was their first time getting bloodied and losing close friends or even relatives. This led to them indeed becoming lost in their own losses. Making them feel that feasting would be an improper thing to do.

nThe more experienced soldiers knew that this was something the newbies had to work through, else they would never be able to move on. The reason they wanted to hold a feast was so they could share their loss with their remaining friends. While also keeping joy in everything and making it not a somber event.

nBut this was something which came with time to them, they too had been in the newbie's shoes once upon a time.

nThe newbie soldiers were instead drinking around a small campfire with their few remaining friends. Making the night much more solemn and somber. Often they would break out in bouts of anger or sadness, especially as they became drunker. Luckily nothing became overboard as each person dealing with the loss on their own, or in their small groups.

n

"So what now?

" Eldrian asked, having enjoyed watching the arm wrestling competition for a while. The results were often very surprising, one slim female soldier had actually managed to beat a bulky man. While she was then again defeated by a normal-looking guy.

nEldrian realized for the first time how many women were in this army. Well not exactly, but he learned an important fact. There was far more than he had thought, simply because when they were in armor they looked just like the other soldiers. If you couldn't observe them from up close then you wouldn't be able to see their more feminine features.

nThis was especially true since the armors were clearly made with uniformity in mind. None of the females had armor that emphasized their curves. Rather their armor looked just like men's armors. While the helmets also hid their hair, or more often them having short hair. Since long hair wasn't all that practical on a battlefield.

n

"I don't know, we don't really fit in here. Do we?

" Vivian replied, feeling that she certainly wasn't feeling the same thing as most of the soldiers here. They had all lived through many battles and found this to be their coping method. But she didn't know hers. She was still trying to figure it out, she did not want her first post-battle to be dictated by others.

nYet she was staying here, which she found to be a detriment for the first time. She had never before felt it, she was always with her dad in some form or another. Either practicing at his barrack, with his soldiers

/trainees, hanging out, and becoming friends with them.

nFor the first time, she realized that it wasn't really her place.

n

"I guess we don't fit. What exactly is going on here?

" Eldrian asked, not knowing of the intricate details going on behind the scene. He was only seeing people enjoying themselves, while most of the soldiers weren't part of it.

nIt felt very strange to him, making him think this might lead to a rift forming between the normal soldiers and their leaders.

n

"Let me tell ya. This is what we do to get over our loss, we get drunk. Remember those that we lost and then move past them. Often by finding something else to focus on, so come on don't be shy!

" A clearly drunk guy said. He had been nearby, refilling his beer cup when he heard Eldrian and Vivian's conversation.

n

"Ah, no thanks. I want to enjoy the ale slowly this time.

" Eldrian replied, feeling a little bloated from downing the previous one.

n

"Ah bugger, don't be a downer. Come on.

" The soldier said as he grabbed Eldrian's shoulder in an encouraging manner.

nFeeling even more uncomfortable Eldrian quickly escaped from the shoulder's grip and started walking away, Vivian following him.

n

"Ya'r loss.

" The soldier said as he stumbled to the wrestling table.

nEldrian and Vivian left the tent, walking a bit in the dark until they found a nice sloping spot to sit on. Here they enjoyed their drinks and chatted a bit, but more often being quiet. Not really having something they felt comfortable to talk about at this time and place, not after everything else.

nFinishing his second cup Eldrian went to go get a third, already feeling a bit unstable on his feet. As he was halfway with his third Vivian went to go get her second, as she returned she told Eldrian.

n

"This will be my last for the night. I don't want to get drunk here.

"

n

"Alright.

" Eldrian nodded as he spoke, having arrived at the tipsy stage.

nAfter finishing his third cup he went to go get himself his fourth and last cup, feeling that this was his limit. As he joined Vivian on the grass again he said,

"This will be my last one too.

"

n

"Oh, why?

" She asked, having expected that Eldrian would want to get completely drunk tonight.

n

"I haven't really drunk before, and wanted to try tonight. But I think I shouldn't go further.

" Eldrian said, managing to not slur over his words, while he had almost tripped over his feet on the way back.

n

"Smart, it didn't look like you would be able to handle much more.

"

n

"Is that a fact?

"

n

"Yeah,

" Vivian said, starting to giggle soon after as Eldrian almost dropped his cup filled with ale.

n

"I think you're right.

" He admitted, staring at the cup. Trying to accuse it of making him look stupid.

nAfter this they again became silent. Placing their cups next to them they lied on the ground and stared at the stars.

nEldrian enjoying the strange feeling running through him, clearly feeling a difference. Yet unable to really find the difference.

nVivian was thinking back on what happened, the alcohol helping her to not get hung up on details. While she was still nearly sober, the little alcohol had given her a type of strength to move on. 'Guess it truly is effective.' She thought to herself as she realized that it was easier to think about everything after having had a couple of drinks.

nThis made her previous ideals lost into the past, she hoped it wouldn't become a necessity for her now. Accepting that she had failed to work through her feelings without an outside influence.

n

"Hey, Vivian.

"

n

"Yeah Haru...

"

n

"What happened after I died? I don't remember, well anything after death. In fact, most of the fight is also blurry. I do remember having to dodge for all I have.

" Eldrian said, a smile creeping onto his face as he remembered how desperate he had been while dodging.

n

"Ah, I don't really know how to explain it. You suddenly changed.

"

n

"What do you mean I changed?

"

n

"I don't know, you were faster. Seemingly reacting as soon as something happened. You also suddenly managed to take the offensive, while before you could only dodge.

"

n'Wait, when did that happen? I really should just keep a record on, I should stop forgetting!' Eldrian told himself, glancing at his interface quickly to make sure that the recording was currently on.

n

"Due to your offensive we managed to kill the Alpha, but after your last attack it wasn't the end.

"

n

"Is that when everything became worse?

" Eldrian asked, remembering the frenzied state the Beta had entered after getting wounded.

n

"Yeah, the Alpha became berserk after that. It first targeted me, during one of the times I blocked it simply ignored my sword and ripped my arm off. Luckily just as it wanted to finish me John intervened. But as a result, he lost his sword, after which the Alpha ripped off his head.

" Saying this Vivian had tears flowing down her face again.

nEldrian having turned onto his side saw the tears,

"Maybe you should stop...

"

n

"No! I need to work through this. I believe the first step is being able to talk about it.

" Vivian said, shaking her head slightly, causing the tears to speed down her cheeks.

n

"After that Jack managed to shoot the Alpha in one of its eyes, but that was still not enough. It had taken its attention away from me. In a rage, it had charged Jack, while he tried to dodge the Alpha prevailed too soon. Killing him by almost separating his legs from his body.

"

n

"I heard that he was resurrected.

"

n

"Yeah... His injury was luckily within the healers' skills.

" A slight smile appearing on Vivian, soon followed by more tears,

"But John's wasn't, only Tier 5 or higher spells can bring someone back if they had lost their heads.

"

n

"How did the fight end?

" Eldrian asked after a while of silence, wondering how they managed to kill it if by that time Vivian was alone against the Alpha.

n

"Jack had managed to keep it busy for a few seconds, allowing me to stand up and fight more. I don't really know how I managed it and the rest is also blurry for me. I just remember waking up in the medical center later. My arm having already been healed.

"

n

"Then what happened in the last moments?

"

n

"I don't know,

" Vivian said, trying to remember the details she had previously suppress due to all the pain she had been in at that time. Both physically and mentally.

n

"I-I think I remember, around that time your spear suddenly disappeared. Which caused a massive wound to open on the beast, following its disappearance I stabbed my sword into the open wound. I don't remember how I managed it, I think it was too focused on Jack at that time.

n'So she survived, mostly due to luck and good timing?' Eldrian asked himself, certain that she was telling the truth about what she remembered. But he wasn't so sure if it was truly how everything happened.

nEven so, he decided to just accept it, wondering why he had managed to be faster during the fight. He couldn't really remember that part as he just remembered flashes of the fight.

nWith questions and stars insight they continued to enjoy their drinks slowly, mostly in silence from thereon.

n