Chapter 186 - Counting By Thirds
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*****
ELIA
"WHAT?!
" Every hair on her body stood up and her head screamed.
Reth scrambled to his feet and rushed to her.
"The chance is very small, love, I promise it isn't usual to—
"
"You didn't think this was ever going to happen with me and Lucine either, did you? And yet, here we are?
"
"Yes, but—
"
"Reth, how can not have told me about this? This is the biggest risk! If they call you a traitor, you're dead?
"
"Probably. But that isn't the biggest risk, Elia, I promise you. I'm not ignoring the truth. It truly is not the most likely of outcomes.
"
"So… you're saying that unless they pick me and decide you were okay to have been with Lucine, either I get shunned, or you get killed?!
" Her hands flailed between them and her breasts bobbed with the force of her fear.
"If they pick Lucine and she is made Queen in your stead, then my actions are judged to have betrayed her—not the people. She will be allowed to… discipline me herself. It is if… it is if they determine that I broke the Rite with Lucine and chose you over them—in my reactions, in not warning them, and in later requests… like to Brant, today.
" He swallowed.
"Why is that less likely?
"
"Because I don't think the Elders will offer that testimony, and I don't think anyone knows to ask. But even if they did, it is all solved if they choose Lucine and install her.
"
"But…. But they could still decide to kill you if they don't choose Lucine?
"
"Only if they determine that you were not installed as Queen in truth. If they choose you, Elia, if you are Queen, then all is well. And I am going to put to them what you just raised—that the agreement between Lucine and I was not fulfilled by either party. So you were installed in truth.
"
"But… but for every argument you give about Lucine not being Queen, that means it's more likely they'll see you as a traitor!
"
Reth took her hands slowly and brought them to his mouth, kissing the backs of them.
"I pray that the Creator never allows for those opportunities, Elia. I beg Him to change the course of this. But, yes… it is possible.
"
"Reth… how can you just stand there and say that?
"
"Because death is not the most frightening part of life, Elia.
"
She gaped.
"Then what is?
"
"Loss,
" he said without hesitation.
"To die is to be joined to the Creator, to find eternity. For the person to whom it happens, it's not a bad thing,
" he smiled softly.
"But for those left behind…
" he swallowed and put a hand to her face, stroking it with his thumb.
"Loss is far, far harder than death, Elia. I pray when the day comes, you will go first so that you aren't put through that. I watched my mother…
" he dropped his head, swallowing.
"I never want to put you through that.
"
"Exactly my point! Why are we not focusing on keeping you alive? Keeping you… not a traitor?
"
"Because we're telling the truth,
" he said gruffly, his eyes glinting.
"That's why I told you, Elia, never to let anyone find my weakness. Never to let them see what I would give for you. It is happening in a way I didn't foresee, but the result is the same.
"
"What result?
"'
He stepped up to her until they were chest-to-chest and put both hands to her face.
"The result that it is known what a traitor I am. Elia, if the accusation comes down, I will accept it because it's true.
"
There was suddenly no oxygen in the air. She sucked in, but nothing came. She tried to suck in again, but again, met with nothing.
"Elia?
" Reth said, disturbed.
"What's wrong?
"
"Can't… breathe…
" she wheezed. She turned away from him, pulled out of his arms and tried to walk away, but stumbled and ended on the ground on all fours again, sucking hard against the air that didn't want to come.
Reth rushed to her side and dropped to pull her up, into his lap, into his chest, holding her, stroking her hair back from her face.
"Breathe, my love. Breathe.
"
"Can't.
" She sucked against the barrier in her throat and his eyes went wide.
"Elia, look at me.
" He held her face in his hands and locked eyes with her as she continued to struggle to breathe.
"I am here. I am here. Feel me, I am here. I am not gone.
"
She sucked again and got some air that time, but her fingers dug into his shoulders. It must have hurt, but he didn't wince.
"How could you… say that…?
" she wheezed again.
"Say what? That they will kill me?
"
"That you… would… accept it?
"
His brows pinched over his nose. He combed her hair back with his fingers.
"Love, if the accusation is true… you would have me fight it?
"
She closed her eyes and concentrated. Inhaling through her nose for a count of five, exhaling slowly through her mouth. When she felt like she wasn't suffocating anymore, she opened her eyes at met his worried ones.
"You would leave me,
" she whispered.
"No.
"
"You would let them take you from me.
"
"I wouldn't want to.
"
"But you wouldn't fight it.
"
"Not if it is the Creator's choice.
"
"Fucking Creator hasn't done a damn thing for us!
" she screamed, shaking him by the shoulders.
"Elia—
"
"We are sitting here on the edge—right on the edge, Reth!
" She scanned the woods around them wildly, her hands flailing.
"We will just.. lose each other, one way or another. And you're saying you would just roll over and accept it—as if you aren't the best thing that ever happened to those people! As if they don't adore you—they do! But if you won't fight—
"
"I will fight for them to see my heart, love. Love, look at me. Elia, look at me!
"
Her eyes snapped to his, and he cupped her face.
"I will fight for us,
" he said, his mouth lined and tense.
"I will always fight for us—for you. I will do everything in my power to make them see this the way I do—to make sure they remember my love for them. And for you. Elia, hear me: I. Will. Fight.
"