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*****

KALLE

A little spark of anger lit in her chest, right alongside the slowly dying embers he'd just lit inside her. She pushed herself off the table and walked around it, towards him. But he saw her coming and turned his back, walking around the table further to the next stack of books.

She had a sudden vision of herself chasing him around and around the table, begging him to kiss her, and him screaming that he couldn't and she snorted.

But Gahrye wasn't inside her head and he turned, glaring at her.

"I'm glad this is funny to you.

"

"Oh, it's not, I assure you,

" she said and put her fists on her hips.

"But I think I'm starting to see the other side to this whole protective thing you've got going on. If we do this, will you always make decisions for the both of us?

"

He frowned, but didn't hold her eyes, just kept stacking, and restacking books.

His hands were still shaking.

"I don't know what you mean,

" he muttered.

"I don't… I don't understand how you think and I'm not thinking clearly and… I don't know what you mean.

" He stopped frantically stacking books and clawed a hand through his hair, and his face looked so pained, so tortured, she wanted nothing more than to reach for him, to put her arms around his waist and just… comfort him.

"Gahrye,

" she said softly.

He shook his head.

"I can't, Kalle. If I touch you…

"

"But, what if I touch you?

"

That groaning huff erupted out of him again and he put his face in his hands.

"Please, don't say that again,

" he whispered into his own palms.

He looked so miserable, she wanted to weep.

"Gahrye, what have they done to you?

"

He sucked in and shook his head, staring at the books in front of him again as his face went hard.

"Nothing. I just… I need to focus. Elia needs help and the baby and… that's my job now. I have more important things to deal with than my own love life. I need to go back to the house. I need to see if Elia's okay. If she's… come back. Can I take these books?

" he said, waving vaguely towards the table.

But Kalle sighed. She wanted to get offended that he so quickly dismissed whatever it was that was between them. But then she could see the fight inside him, the angst.

She didn't usually go for angsty guys, but he seemed like he had a reason to feel uptight. And when his hand trembled again, it touched her.

He was so angry. So… emotional. And trying so hard to do the right thing—as he saw it.

"So, that's what integrity looks like,

" she muttered under her breath.

"It's been so non-existent in the men I've known before, I missed it. Sorry,

" she said, with a dry laugh.

Gahrye's head snapped up and their eyes locked.

Something inside her reached towards him. Then she realized she'd actually done it, actually stepped up to his side and put her hand on his arm.

He made that noise again. She didn't understand it, but it fluttered in her stomach.

"What was that noise?

" she asked, her hand still on his arm.

He swallowed and his face dragged down.

"How much do you know about the traverse, Kalle? About the voices within it?

"

She blinked at the strange change of subject.

"I mean, I understand what they do. And what we think they are. But… very little, honestly. It's a mystery I haven't had time to study. What does that have to do with—wait! I forgot. I made a note because I knew it wasn't the important part of this but you said you wanted to know…

" she trailed off and looked down at the table, had to let him go and circle around it to the book she'd been looking at earlier. Then it took a minute for her to find the spot. By the time she did, he was at her shoulder. Standing close. Closely enough that he warmed her back. Her cheeks heated too, but she didn't comment.

She wanted him close.

"Look, I'm going to look this word up in our references, because I don't remember it being referred to elsewhere—do the Anima have any role, or people they call Protectors?

" She pointed to the passage in one of the oldest books they had. It was highly decorative, each page beautiful with tiny pictures drawn into a frame around the letters, and the first letter in each chapter turned into a small picture of its own.

The pictures on this particular page were dark and twisted—tiny gremlins peering out of the frame, sometimes with fangs, others with eyes so massive they took up most of their faces.

"Protectors? These things?

" Gahrye asked, pointing at the Gremlin that was bigger than the others, peering out of the little illustration around the P that began the chapter.

"No, no, I think those are supposed to be the voices,

" she said.

"This is the story of the discovery of the Portal and the journey of the King at the time—the first to meet my ancestors. I'm going to read deeper in case there's further stories about him crossing the traverse again. But I thought it was odd that he mentions bringing a Protector with him for the journey—we aren't supposed to be able to take more than one conscious person through at a time. But he mentions the Protector watching over him for the journey. And he's talking about the portal.

"

Gahrye frowned, leaning over her arm to read more carefully.

She wondered if his skin prickled the way hers did where they were almost touching.

Gahrye cleared his throat.

"Can we bring this one back to the house?

"

Kalle sighed, then caught his arm when he started to stand. His eyes snapped to meet hers, and his hand twitched towards her, but then he slowly took hold of her hand with his other and took it from his arm, returning it to her.

"I have to go check Elia,

" he said sadly and turned away.

"What if I could check on her from here?

" Kalle blurted suddenly.

Gahrye stopped.

"What do you mean?

"

"I mean if she hasn't… surfaced, if she's not… herself yet, what if we just took a break. I know a place with fresh air.

"

His eyes lit up, but then darkened again.

"I can't leave her to—

"

"If she's gotten up and returned to herself, Shaw will know. I can find out and if she hasn't, all you'll be doing is sitting around waiting. We can keep checking. Every hour if you want. I think… I think it would do you some good to get out of the house. Outside.

"

Gahrye gave it some thought.

"Well, if you can be sure she's okay?

"

"I don't know about okay, but I can find out… just give me a second.

" She called Shaw, who said they had thought Elia was sleeping. She didn't come down for dinner, and they had seen nothing of her that evening. She thanked him and hung up.

"She hasn't returned to herself yet. What do you say we grab some books, put them in the car, and then I show you a place you might feel more comfortable?

"

He stared at her, his brow lined with worry. His throat bobbed.

"I feel like it's wrong, but… I would like to breathe easily,

" he said quietly.

"I know the feeling,

" Kalle replied.