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nA NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR: I just want to reassure the fans of Gahrye that, while you're going to see him struggle for a little while and deal with a lot of angst and self-doubt, just be patient. He's working through some stuff, and the pay-off will be... quite the ride insert winky emoji here

n*****

nGAHRYE

nHe hadn't turned on a light, hadn't moved. He'd sat and thought through everything they were facing—and every decision he had to make about Kalle, and Elia and… just everything.

nWhen he finally crept out of their rooms, it felt as if the entire continent of Anima rested on his shoulders.

nThere was a heated tension coiled in his chest that wanted to unleash in the face of the Creator for forcing him to walk this path. What had he ever done to deserve this? Why show him everything he'd ever wanted, then withhold it? Why put the one woman who had always treated him with respect into a situation neither of them could control, but that might make him pay with his life?

nHe didn't want to lose his friend. He didn't want to lose his Queen.

nHe also didn't want to lose his mate.

nBut he had no choice.

nA slinking, dark thought in the tone much like the voices in the traverse whispered in the back of his mind that if Elia died, he could just… not return to Anima. He could make his life here with Kalle and—

nHe recoiled from the thought. Stopped, one hand still on the doorknob into their suite.

nHad he really just thought that? What a putrid, traitorous mind!

nHad the voices come with him into this world and he just didn't know it? His hand trembled as he finished closing the door softly, then turned into the hallway.

nHe didn't deserve to have Kalle, even in this pale, restrained way, if that was how he thought about his friend, the only female who'd ever seen more in him than a pitiful disformed.

nFuck, he was making himself sick.

nTrying to push away the disgust and unease twisting his stomach, he went on the hunt for Kalle. But she wasn't in her room, and she wasn't in the library—the two places he usually found her, though this was later than he usually got to look.

nBut as he rounded the bottom of the stairs and decided to check her room again, he heard voices from behind the closed doors of the formal dining room.

nWhen he peered inside, he found several books laid out on the large dining table, and Shaw leaning over them, shaking his head.

nAnd Kalle. His mate.

nHer scent washed over him like a cleansing wave. For a moment he could breathe easier. But then Shaw turned and saw him before she did, and he went very still.

n

"Good evening, Gahrye. Is everything well with the Queen?

" Shaw asked, smiling.

nHis smile grated on Gahrye like teeth in his rump.

"She's asleep,

" was all he said, then let himself finally meet Kalle's soft eyes, that were warm and brown tonight with the rust-colored sweater she wore that was long enough to cover her to mid-thigh.

nHe wanted to slide his hand up from her knee to her hip, pulling that sweater with it and—

n

"Rest is probably the best thing for her, these day,

" Shaw said, turning back to the books on the table.

"We've found a little something new on the pregnancy front. You might want to look at this.

"

nWith a tortured look at Kalle, Gahrye hurried the few steps to the table to see what they'd found. The book was a healing and herbs journal for wise-women, and was mostly just advice for first-time Anima mothers on the care and nurture of their bodies during pregnancy.

nBut Shaw pointed out that someone had made a handwritten note in the margins about a human pregnancy:

nIncrease herbs for vitality of blood, and energy.

nHuman body too weak for Anima needs.

nGahrye blinked.

"Who wrote that?

"

n

"I'm assuming it was one of the wise-women who served the former Queen three hundre years ago. This book is of the right vintage to have been in their hands at the time. It's the only detailed account we have of a human bearing an Anima, though it's mentioned a handful of times elsewhere.

"

n

"I'm going to go to the library in the morning and look for other books around the same age and see if I can find any others she might have made notes on,

" Kalle said from Shaw's other side.

nGahrye's hands twitched. He wanted to touch her so badly. He needed to.

n

"Perhaps we could look here tonight?

" he said, his eyes on the book, but his entire attention on her.

"Just in case?

"

n

"Yes, of course,

" she said and he heard the hint of a smile in her voice.

n

"We keep very few journals of this age here. They need to be in the climate control we have at the university,

" Shaw said, still frowning at the book.

"But check the encyclopedia of terms, Kalle. I think we have a few volumes here and they are likely this old. Also, that huge tome on the wars. I believe it has a medical section, and it would be the right age, too.

"

nKalle nodded and made notes. Gahrye only saw her from the corner of his eye, but he yearned…

nMinutes later, Shaw still buried in the book where they'd found the note, Kalle got up from the chair and started for the door, her little notebook under her arm. She turned to catch Gahrye's eye as she walked and he followed.

n

"Goodnight, Shaw,

" he said with relief. The man made him uneasy, though he lacked that chirpy, overly-excited air tonight that always made Gahrye's hair stand on end.

nThey were three hallways away before Kalle spoke, and she didn't meet his eyes.

"Are you okay?

"

n

"No. Elia had a dream tonight and she was convinced it was real. I'm terrified she's losing her mind already.

"

nKalle reached for his hand, and even though he knew he shouldn't, he let her take it, twined their fingers. Inhaled her scent.

nThey didn't speak again until they entered the library. While Gahrye stopped to close the door—and lock it—Kalle put her notebook on the table and scanned the list she'd made.

nShe was still frowning at it, muttering about another volume she was sure they had there at the house that was the right age, tapping a specific line on the page that she'd written, when Gahrye reached her. Standing directly behind her, pressed into her back, he sighed and dropped his lips to that spot where her wide-necked sweater had fallen almost to the point of her shoulder, and the place where her neck met her shoulder was bare.

nShe froze when his lips landed there and he whispered her name against her skin.

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