LERRIN

The feeling didn't sit comfortably, no matter what Lucine might have said to Suhle about his attitudes.

He ate the rest of his meal in silence, not tasting it. His stomach churning, not from the food, but from the way his thoughts disturbed him.

He let himself scan back through the weeks Suhle had served him. All the times he'd growled at her, or ranted, snapping her down for her insightful questions while he was explaining what had happened during his day… and all the times she'd been kind in the face of his anger, soothing him and assisting him until and he'd left the tent calmer, with her smile at his back, better able to be patient when he met conflict with others later.

But… but she was weak.

Wasn't she?

He looked at her sitting across from him, endlessly patient. Her eyes were low, resting thoughtlessly on his arm, he thought. But when he looked up, she brought her gaze up to meet his, a question in her eyes.

She wanted to serve. Wanted to help. She'd somehow come to believe that swallowing his poor behavior was, in some way, helping him do better. And it stunned him to realize she was right. But it was so desperately unfair, he was washed in a wave of self-loathing.

Suddenly desperately uncomfortable and needing to move, Lerrin got to his feet and thanked her for the meal, excusing himself to go meet the security council. Again.

He should speak with her. Tell her what he'd seen in her. Thank her for it. And promise not to put her through it again, but… but he needed her. He needed her willing to help him. And damned if she wasn't.

How the hell was he supposed to do this?

Checking that his blade was at his belt, he started towards the door. Without comment or complain, Suhle rose from her seat now behind him to clear the table. He knew she would wash everything, mend his clothes, and prepare his bed and clothing for the morning, staying awake until he returned in case he needed anything, then retreat to her cot in her corner.

And she did it all with the intention to aid him in his role. Because she believed in him?

She would not ask for anything in return except safety, which as her ruler he owed her anyway, whether she served him personally or not.

It struck him then, that he'd entered this tent in a roaring rage… he'd been challenged by his Second, and yet, here he was… walking out calm. Able to think clearly.

Because of her.

Before he reached the tent flap, he stopped and turned.

She straightened, his dishes in her hand and looked at him, eyebrows up, waiting.

"Suhle, what do you think is best for the wolves as a whole? What direction do you think I should be taking now?

"

Her jaw went slack before she caught it and closed it.

"I am sure I'm not the right person to tell you what the… the right political decisions should be,

" she said, turning from him to push in the chair he'd been sitting in as if she didn't want to meet his eyes while she spoke. Her scent was… erratic. Fearful? Or only surprised? Both? It was different to discern, as if she wasn't sure what she felt.

"What I do know,

" she continued softly,

"is that whether you speak of one person, or many, loving a person—the best kind of love—is giving them what they need. Not necessarily what they want. If you give them what they need, whether they realize it or not, you offer what will equip them to thrive in the long term. Even if they struggle at the beginning, or misunderstand your intentions.

" Turning her back, she carried his dishes to the tub that she used for cleaning that she left on a stool nearby.

Lerrin swallowed. He was King! Alpha! She was a servant! And yet…

"How do you see a people thriving in the long term, if your early decisions cause struggle at the beginning?

" he asked quietly.

She hesitated, then left the dishes in the water and turned to face him, her eyes… pleading? What did she hope for?

"We are always made stronger by fighting for the right thing, even when it is hard,

" she said quietly, her eyes flickering back and forth between him and her hands—as if she feared his response.

"When we do reach a goal that has been difficult to attain, we are stronger than we were. And when deep down we know that goal is right… it is true… we become stronger. Less easily led into anything false or wrong. Because we have felt the strength that comes from walking on a foundation of truth and right. To reach that same goal, to resist the struggle against everything wrong, will not be as difficult next time. It is the battle with our own wills, with the desire to give in to what we know is wrong, that causes the greatest struggles. When we overcome that… we are better for it. Always.

"

He agreed. The thought made Lerrin wanted to claw something.

"I wish you could say that without sounding like that **ing cat,

" he said, low and dark.

She brought her eyes up then and locked on his.

"Wisdom is wisdom, no matter the source,

" she said.

"If we cannot recognize that, we are blinded by our own emotions.

"

Neither of them backed down. He wanted to growl, but the truth was, he admired her for being willing to push him this way when he knew her fear was great.

So, in a move that would later leave him breathless for the risk he took, he bowed and broke the eye-contact, giving her the win.

Giving her dominance.

Her eyes widened and she brought a hand to her chest.

"Thank you for giving me what I need, not what I want, Suhle,

" he said softly, then turned and strode out to meet the wolves that needed to hear a dose of her wisdom themselves.

*****

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