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ELIA

Elia lay in the dark, staring at the ceiling, blinking back tears.

She couldn't sleep.

She couldn't sleep and her beast was raking at her insides, clawing to get out. Part of her wanted to give in because it seemed like whenever she was finally able to find her way back, she almost always found Reth along the way. And she needed him tonight. Even if it was just for moments. She felt like she was coming apart at the seams. And the only thing that would soothe the burning in her wounds was his voice, and his touch.

Perhaps she should give in to the beast if it would help her find him?

But something within her growled at the idea. A growl that was deep and came from the very same broad, scarred chest that made her ache to think about.

From her very first night in Anima, Reth had told her to trust her instincts.

Well, she'd found as soon as the beast arrived in her life, her instincts sharpened right along with her other senses.

She didn't know why, but something told her that to give in to the beast tonight would be incredibly dangerous. And so, she lay on the bed, staring at the ceiling, gripping the quilt in her fists and holding onto herself. Desperately. Fiercely.

And terrified.

She'd almost gone after Gahrye when she realized the battle she was fighting, but she had known it would only hurt him to learn she fought so hard not to shift, when he had fought so long throughout his life to find his beast.

"It's not fair,

" she whispered into the dark. And it wasn't. None of this was fair. On any of them.

Then she'd heard Gahrye return to their rooms—and he wasn't alone. At first she hadn't thought twice. The two of them were forever studying, looking for answers to help her. She'd sat up and started to get out of bed, to go speak with them. Perhaps the distraction would help.

But because her beast was trying to rise, her senses were even sharper. So, despite the thick walls and solid door, she had heard every whispered word.

"Where's Elia?

" Kalle had asked carefully.

"You said she had a job for us?

"

"She has already gone to bed and she doesn't plan to get up until tomorrow,

" Gahrye said, then cleared his throat.

"And she's told me—ordered me—to… to do as I wish with the rest of the evening.

"

Elia had been walking towards the door until she heard him say that with a tone she recognized, but had never heard from him before.

There was a breathless pause, then Elia's eyes closed as she caught the scent of desire on Kalle and her heart exploded in an overwhelming mix of joy and pain.

Gahrye had found his mate.

He'd done it. She was here!

But… why hadn't he told her?

"Okay… so, what is it you… wish to do?

" Kalle had asked quietly.

"I might get this wrong, Kalle,

" he said quietly.

"I'm… I'm not certain how it works for you humans. But I want to… I want to stop fighting this. And I want to show you… everything.

"

Elia heard her breath catch.

"If you're being open with me, Gahrye, not holding yourself back, you can't get it wrong. I promise.

"

"I'll remind you of that if you suddenly get that look on your face that says I'm being too Anima,

" he had said softly.

Then Kalle had said the words that had made Elia cry in pure, unadulterated joy for her friend.

"You can't be too Anima, Gahrye. It's who are you. And that's… that's what I want. We can work out the details. Just… just give me you.

"

And then the mating call rose in the air, a different resonance in Gahrye than it had in Reth, but no less powerful or touching. Elia put a hand to her chest as she ached with grief for the space in her heart that was her mate.

As Gahrye led Kalle through to his room, Elia had run back to the bed and thrown herself in it, but her cursed beast senses meant she had been unable to hide completely from all that was happening just two doors away.

No amount of pulling pillows over her head or humming to herself could block them out completely. She was tempted to go out into the living area to turn on the television. Loud. Hoping it might cover enough that she could sleep. But she didn't want to disturb them. Didn't want to steal this from Gahrye.

And so she'd known… this was a battle she must fight alone. Gahrye deserved everything he found here. And even if this meant… meant that Elia had to go back to Anima alone… that was okay. She was happy for him. So happy for him.

But so, so, deeply sad and afraid for herself.

How had she missed it? How had she not seen it?

Because she wasn't there. Because she was fighting her own war here. One none of them had anticipated. And tonight for the first time, she felt like she was truly losing.

She'd settled herself into the pillows and braced against the puttering growl that wanted to rise from her own throat. Tried desperately to dislodge the claws that felt like they punctured her lungs, from the inside.

She would fight, tonight. And she would win. Or she would die trying.

And she wouldn't tell Gahrye a thing.

A tiny piece of her heart cracked knowing he hadn't felt like he could tell her. But she also understood. He was carrying so much… well, she would give him every opportunity to enjoy his mate before the difficulties of this trip overcame them.

Because deep down, Elia's instincts were rising. And not only were they certain she had to do everything in her power not to shift into her beast form tonight. But they were equally certain that the day would come when it would be out of her control.

And if that day came before she got back to Reth… Her instincts said, that would be the end for her.