READER SHOUT OUT: This chapter is dedicated to every first-time mother, ever.

I see you. I am you. We've all been there.

*****

ELIA

Elia swaddled the drowsy Elreth and placed her gently in the basket, praying her strong and playful daughter wouldn't decide this was the night to refuse sleep, and instead become a lion cub, easily capable of crawling out of baskets, beds, or anything beyond an outright cage.

"Please, sweetie… Mommy really needs a night off. At least… three or four hours, okay? Agreed?

"

Elreth yawned with her adorable, tiny mouth—that could be the gateway for an incredibly big noise—but cooed quietly, her eyes beginning to close.

Elia prayed it was enough. She'd done everything she could—playtime and reading together, a nice big dinner, and keeping Elreth up until her hands started fisting tightly. But even though Reth wasn't home yet, if she didn't put their daughter down now, she knew Elreth would become crabby and likely cry herself to sleep—something that could take hours on a bad night.

"Good girl, mommy's very good girl. What a good, good girl,

" she sang quietly as she tucked the blankets into the edge of the basket which sat on the dining table. She'd intended to carry the large basket—Elreth and all—through to the bedchamber where she'd be less likely to hear anything.

But just as Elreth began to drift and Elia widened her arms to lift the basket, the door to the cave opened and a gust of bone-chilling wind whipped through the cave, bringing with it the heavenly scent of warm Reth, and fresh snow.

"Don't put her down yet! I want to see her!

" Reth called from the front door. But even as Elia shushed him, Elreth's eyes flew wide and she squealed—not a protest against the cold wind, but a cry of joy.

She'd heard her father and she wanted to see him.

Turning to him in exasperation, Elia groaned.

"Reth! Please, I just want a night—

"

The sound of scrabbling claws, accompanied by a squeaking call sank Elia's stomach. She turned with a gasp just as the basket began to tilt on its side. But before she could catch it, the lion cub—much larger than her human counterpart—stumbled out of the basket onto the tabletop and leaned over the edge, swinging her little behind in preparation to make the leap to the floor.

"Elreth! No!

" Elia said firmly.

"She's fine,

" Reth said, beaming and running through the cave to sink to his knees and open his arms a couple feet away from the table edge. Elreth, giving a rasping growl of joy, leaped into his chest as soon as he was in range of her cub haunches, and Elia's heart leaped into her throat for the sixth time that day alone.

"Hello, beautiful,

" Reth chuckled as Elreth clung, pushing up his chest and torso, her little claws piercing shirt and skin alike, though he didn't seem to care.

Elia had joked the night before that the other males were going to think Elia was the one leaving scratches all over his chest and back.

He'd given her a look—one eyebrow raised then, and said in that low purr,

"You're welcome to, anytime, Love.

"

Her stomach had trilled.

Then she'd known. She'd lain sleepless the night before while Reth snored and Elreth snuffled, thinking about it.

Reth had been so patient. There was no medical reason for them not to be making love again. At first Aymora had given them both a stern talking to about allowing their bodies to heal, but Elia wasn't even tempted. Between the pain of her body, the lack of sleep, and just sheer exhaustion over everything that had happened, sex had been the last thing on her mind.

But a month after Elreth's arrival, Elia's pain had been almost entirely gone, and Aymora had taken her aside.

"I have this conversation with you, not with your mate,

" she'd said one morning when Reth was away meeting with the councils.

"Oh?

" Elia asked.

"I want you to know that… you are safe now… to be free with your body, if you wish. But for every mother the day to return to her mate is different. So, I will leave that you. If you have any questions, I will answer what I have learned from others. But just know that you will not harm yourself. Your body has healed well. So much better than I would ever have expected. You are… you are healed, Elia. And I am so glad.

"

They'd shared a little cry, then, and Aymora hadn't said another word on the issue. But Elia had found herself strangely hesitant. For the first time since mating Reth, she felt… uncertain of herself.

Her body was so different than it had been just weeks earlier—and that body different again from everything she'd had before. He'd been seeing her naked the whole time, of course. And he'd never stopped holding her or… but he was so careful with her now—as if almost losing her had made him afraid he might hurt her. And he hadn't pushed. At all. Hadn't even sucked on her neck that morning they'd woken before Elreth.

And he was so enamored with Elreth, full of so much joy every time he held her, or played with her… so relaxed and certain of her in cub form, where Elia was constantly terrified—especially when she left the room only for seconds, only to return to find her once-sleeping offspring leaping off the arm of the couch and taking a lamp down with her when she misjudged the size of the table alongside it.

No one had warned her how active a lion cub could be. It was a joy—when they were outside on flat ground and Elia could roll and tumble with her. But in the thick winter cold, there were few opportunities for that.

Elia had been so consumed with getting to know her daughter, and understanding what she could and couldn't do safely, that she'd kept putting off approaching Reth, or even speaking to him about getting close again. They slept with Elreth between them at night, which didn't help.

But he hadn't seemed worried about it.

At first that had been a relief. She wasn't ready and if he wasn't pushing, well, then they had time. But now… It had been almost two months since Elreth was born and they hadn't touched each other.

Had he lost his desire for her?

When he'd flirted with her the night before, that heat had sprung to life in her belly and her breath had quickened. She'd thought he might put Elreth in the basket when they slept and, perhaps, reach for her.

But he hadn't.

She hadn't slept much last night, staring at the ceiling, remembering all the ways she loved him, all the ways he drew pleasure from her body. But there were also visions in her head of how she her body had changed. How everything about her was softer—nothing as pert or firm as it had once been.

And of course, there was that horrific nightmare that rang in her memory where Reth entered her, then stared down at her, confused, and had suddenly found a reason to flee the room.

She'd been so mortified in the dream, she woke up with her cheeks hot and on the verge of tears.

Thinking about that, she'd almost pushed the whole idea away again. But she knew it was time. And more importantly… she wanted him.

In the dark of the night before, Elia had promised herself that she wouldn't chicken out.

And so, she'd spent this entire day trying to tire Elreth out and keep her happy at the same time, praying that when Reth got back from his meeting with the Security Council, Elreth would be sleeping and she could… make a suggestion to Reth.

Now she stood in the dining room, tears pinching the backs of her eyes, as her drowsy daughter climbed her husband's chest, and he laughed and encouraged her, telling her how strong she was, and how beautiful.

Elreth would take forever to get settled again now. And by then Elia would be exhausted and probably sweaty, and she'd washed her hair for the first time in a week, and…

She stared at the two of them, so happy without her, and wanted to weep because she wanted to feel that happy too.

Reth caught her staring and his smile faded immediately.

"Love, what it is?

" he asked, alarmed.

Elia burst into tears.