He rushed to explain “I’m not blaming you, I’m just saying that you showed us the truth about all of us and no one liked it. We rather liked the lies we told and me most of all”

”You never lied to me” she murmured

”I broke my vows and that is the biggest one yet” he replied bitterly

”I understand”

Wang Lu chuckled darkly before he stopped abruptly, tearing his eyes from her. “You didn’t have to, but the truth was that every day I was afraid. I woke up every day with the thought that you would finally see me for who I was and leave me.

”So when she….” Yan Mei couldn’t bring herself to finish

”I’m not excusing my behavior, but when I saw you or maybe not you at the hotel, my first thought was ‘it’s finally happening’ I’d waited for you to realize you could do better and you finally did”

”But I loved you, Wang Lu, I loved you and you loved me too.” Her voice trembled with the conviction of her words

”I did, I do but you taught me love, any idea of love I ever had I got from you. It was such a beautiful thing that I knew I didn’t deserve but I wasn’t prepared to lose even if I did.” He explained, his voice steak with grief

“I threw you out of the house, not out of hatred, I couldn’t hate you but out of pride. You played me for a fool and I wanted to erase you and all of the memories of you.”

”You have suffered too” it wasn’t a question.

”It’s never going to be enough” he stated calmly.

”Even a day of penance and remorse is enough, I don’t want you to suffer, she wouldn’t want you to suffer” she replied, looking at him before she dragged her gaze back to the small grave.

”Our baby… I always wondered” his voice was choked with fresh emotion and she couldn’t help the tears that flooded her eyes

”I never got to held her once” she admitted sadly

”And I killed her” he replied, soft words but she heard them nevertheless.

”Wang Lu, you cannot think like that!” She whirled on him again in anger

”What man claims to love and so easily throw out their loved ones in the streets?” He answered

”You were manipulated!” She shouted back at him, hating how broken he looked and sounded in the moment.

”I wanted to believe it and maybe I deserved to, maybe I deserved everything that followed.” He continued as if she had not spoken a word

”Wang Lu..” she didn’t get a chance to finish

He scoffed as he looked down at that small grave. “I didn’t believe enough in us and I’m not deserving of neither your forgiveness nor hers”

”That’s not how it works.” She said yet again

”I’m sorry for bringing it all up” he apologized again

”It’s been an eventful few days, I finally found out the truth about what happened five years ago, Leng Shao loving me all these years and then… Well here you are, it’s been a trip.”

”I can imagine”

”You know, he said he loved me, even then”

”I knew, that’s what made it so believable,” he said with a sigh before moving closer and catching her hand. He squeezed not one and she returned the gesture before they just held each other, a tentative touch after so many years.

”We never…” The denial came to her lips but he brushed it aside

”I know that now, I doubt you even knew. I was your whole world, but I didn’t believe I was worthy of that. And Leng Shao was a better person than I was and if anyone I knew deserved you, it would be him.”

”That’s not how it works” she stated firmly.

”I know, tell that to old me”

”I hope you have forgiven old you because I have and I’m sure even she wouldn’t want you to keep suffering.” She insisted

”I don’t doubt that, if she is anything like, you were always so perfect and giving.”

The two of them stood in companionable silence, the tension leaching off in little degrees until they could afford to smile, a small tired rueful smile tinged by the smallest amount of regret and grief.

”I know I don’t have a right but I want to know, are you happy now? Does he make you happy?” He was genuinely interested in her answer.

”Yes, but for the longest time, I didn’t allow him. I didn’t believe I deserved to be happy because I was a terrible mother, I couldn’t save my baby. Because I was a terrible wife who couldn’t even make the man she loved to see the truth about her” Yan Mei didn’t know why she told him, the words came unbidden to her tongue.

”Even gone I managed to ruin your life.” He stated with a sad smile.

”No, not you. You never planned this” she replied

”I could have believed you, hell I could have been kinder in my actions, I consigned you to hell.” He ground out, his disgust at his past actions apparent.

”Maybe you did but I chose to stay here.”

”But you are happy now”

”Yes”

”I’m glad, you deserved the best man”

”What about you Wang Lu, what do you deserve?” She asked, despite all that happened, she didn’t want him to suffer anymore.

”A good night’s sleep, hopefully.”

”God!” She exclaimed, even though she was plagued with night terrors too

”Don’t pity me, I created this hell” he replied, his words a little harsh

”Walk out of it then, for me, for us.” She gestures at the grave in front of them.

”I’ll try”

”Try harder.”

”I will, I think I will.” He promised with a sad smile before he dropped her hands and turned to walk away.

”Wang Lu” she called, stalling him a few steps away “I want you to be happy, she would want you to be happy” he didn’t turn around but from the way he tensed, she knew he had heard her. He continued to walk away from her as she turned back to the grave.

She waited for a few minutes or so, tapped the tombstone, and said “see you later baby girl” before she turned to leave.

Lei Zhao was waiting for her patiently, leaning on the card the picture of nonchalance but Yan Mei knew he was alert.

”I met Wang Lu” she stated calmly.

”I know” his eyes darted all over her face to gauge her emotions

”Any more surprises?” She asked curtly

Lei Zhao shook his head, still trying to read her expression, and she finally nodded at him.

”We talked, a long-overdue conversation”

”And”

I’m done” two words but it had so much meaning, it was heavy with importance.

Lei Zhao opened his arms and she moved into them, allowing herself to come home to him “I’m so proud of you my love, you humble me so much and I can’t help loving you”

At times, the biggest medicine is letting go of your pains and forgiving those who caused them.

-THE END?