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nNick absentmindedly left Dark Dream and walked to the hotel.

nWithout talking to anyone, Nick entered his room and fell onto his bed.

nAnd just stared at the ceiling.

nFor several minutes.

nNick felt like he was thinking about something, but he had no idea what he was thinking about.

nHe just kept looking.

nAnd thinking.

nAbout ten minutes later, Nick turned to his side and looked at the wall.

nHe still wasn’t sure what he was thinking about.

n‘I didn’t want to work, and now, I don’t have to work.’

nSilence.

n‘I don’t know.’

n‘I don’t even know if I am happy that I don’t have to work or not.’

n‘Now, I’m just lying here, doing nothing.’

nEventually, Nick closed his eyes.

n‘I don’t care anymore.’

n‘I’ll just go to sleep.’

nTime passed.

n30 minutes later, Nick opened his eyes again.

nHe hadn’t fallen asleep.

nHe had just slept for about eleven hours, and his body didn’t need nor want sleep right now.

nNick felt like he was wasting time by staying in bed like this.

nBut his legs just felt so heavy and difficult to move.

nAlso, what was the point of going out?

nAfter eating something or talking to someone, things would just return to this state anyway.

nAll of these things were just momentary distractions between periods of pain.

nDoing any of these things wouldn’t change anything.

nWhy stand up and do things?

nSo, Nick just kept lying in his bed, not knowing what he was thinking about.

nTime passed.

nNothing was happening.

nNothing was changing.

nNick noticed some trash on the ground.

nIt was annoying him.

nBut it felt like such a momentous task to clean it up.

n‘I can’t even clean up my own room,’ Nick thought.

n‘It’s bothering me, but instead of cleaning up, I just keep lying here.’

nSilence.

n‘I’m a failure.’

n‘I’m a burden.’

n‘I’m a murderer.’

nSilence.

nNick’s back bent, and he pulled his knees to his chest as he lay on the side.

nHe felt like his chest was tensing up.

n‘I’m pathetic.’

nTime kept passing.

nNick’s mood didn’t improve.

nEventually, Nick had to go to the toilet and drank a bit of water.

nAfter standing up, Nick didn’t want to lie down anymore.

nInstead, he just sat on his bed.

nMinutes passed in which Nick was just looking at the ground.

nNick kept thinking about Horua and kept remembering that he didn’t need to worry about him for the day.

nThere was nothing for him to do.

nThere was nothing that he wanted to do.

nAs time passed, Nick’s emotions became louder, and he wanted to let them out.

nSadly, he couldn’t let out his rage, or the entire room would break.

nAnd when he remembered how he felt after crying yesterday, he also didn’t dare to cry.

nIf he had simply kept all of his emotions inside, he wouldn’t be feeling like ** right now.

nCrying had been a mistake, and he wouldn’t commit the same mistake again.

nSo, Nick was just stuck with his current emotions.

nAnd they just kept festering inside of him with no way out.

nEventually, Nick started to hear kids playing outside the hotel.

nCompared to the Dregs, the Outer City had more children, and they were also happier.

nIt was normal for the kids to start playing between eight and nine a.m.

nThis meant that two to three hours had already passed.

nNick had wasted the entire morning just staring at the wall and the ceiling.

nAnd nothing had improved.

nHe felt just as horrible as in the morning.

nAs the playing of the kids grew louder, Nick’s feelings started to change.

nHe became angry.

nHere he was, feeling horrible pain and guilt, and outside, kids were happily playing while adults were happily going about their lives.

nThe bright light from outside seemed to burn the proverbial darkness in the room.

nNick clenched his fists in rage.

nIt was so unfair!

nHe was feeling so horrible, while others felt so good!

nHe hated it!

nHe just wanted everyone to shut up!

nHe just wanted everyone else to feel the same pain he was feeling!

nAnd yet, Nick knew that he wouldn’t truly do anything like this, which made him feel even worse.

nHe wasn’t being a nice person right now, but he also wasn’t decisive enough to be a bad one.

nIt was just a **ty middle ground.

nBeing in this room sucked!

nBeing outside sucked!

nBeing awake sucked!

nNo matter what he did or where he went, it didn’t matter!

nIt was all the same anyway!

nNick curled up on the bed as he violently grabbed his head.

nWhy was everything horrible?

nWhy was his job horrible?

nWhy was the city horrible?

nWhy was life horrible?

nWhy was he horrible?

nNick couldn’t find anything good about his life.

nAlthough, there was one thing.

nSleep.

nNick just wanted to sleep.

nDuring sleep, he wasn’t feeling these things. 𝘪𝑟𝒶.𝘤𝑜𝘮

nBut he needed to wait twelve more hours, at least, until he could go to sleep again.

nEventually, Nick felt his eyes become wet again, but as soon as he noticed, he burrowed the urge to cry.

nHe had seen what had happened the last time, and he wouldn’t do that again.

nNick pushed all the things he was feeling back, deep into the most remote corners of his mind.

nAfter some minutes, Nick slowly sat up.

nWith an absentminded look, he stared at the wall again.

nThe playing coming from outside was so loud.

nHe felt like his entire world was shaking.

nNick’s heart rate and his breathing sped up.

n‘Things can’t keep on going like this.’

nNow, Nick knew what he was thinking about.

nSweat started to break out across Nick’s body.

nHis eyes focused on the wall.

nHis lips trembled.

nThe playing from outside was so loud but distant.

nHis room felt so grey and devoid of meaning.

nNick gritted his teeth and clenched his fists.

n“I…” Nick said slowly.

nNick felt like his heart was banging in his ears.

n“I…”

n“I wish…”

nFollow current novels on 𝑟𝘢.𝘤𝘰𝑚

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