SINCERE APOLOGIES: Last weekend my son and husband both came down with covid (they're fine, getting better now) but now I'm coming down with it. This happened at the one time of the month when my stockpile of chapters was almost dry, and because I haven't been able to write much this week, I'm behind. Unfortunately, ALPHA will drop to 1 chapter per day for the rest of March, but then return to 2 per day in April. I appreciate your patience and I'm sorry!

*****

~ ZEV ~

The first instinct he had as he was rolling out of sleep was to reach for Sasha. But when his arm found only cold, empty furs, he grunted and rolled onto his back.

Before he'd even opened his eyes, he knew he was healing. The sharp burn in his side was gone. His body felt… moderate. And the overall pain was far less. He'd been so tired last night after the walk, he'd been afraid he'd done himself harm. But instead, as he opened his eyes and sat up, taking a deep breath of the forest air, only slightly damp from the cave, he felt like himself again. Almost.

The ache for Sasha was more painful than the ache in his side.

"Good morning,

" a deep voice growled from behind him. Zev turned, twisting his body to see. Even though his ribs complained, it was a little ache, not the grabbing pain he'd had the past few days.

Skhal sat on a folded fur, his back against the wall of the cave, head tipped forward so his hair fell into his eyes, but he stared out between the strands, measuring Zev with an intensity only the older wolf was capable of.

"Good morning to you, too,

" Zev said, his voice still hoarse with sleep.

"You don't need to glare at me, I slept.

"

"I'm not glaring at you for sleeping, I'm glaring at you because I can already see your puppy mind deciding that it's safe to venture out of the den even though your mother said not to.

"

Zev snorted, but was glad for the excuse to turn away from Skhal and get himself unwound from the furs.

"I'm not going anywhere today except the Healer's center. I promised Allory last night. If I don't uphold my end he won't let me sleep here tonight. And when I'm not drugged I can't sleep inside those **ing walls.

"

There was a beat before Skhal responded. When he did, his voice was quiet, inviting confidence.

"What did they do to you?

"

Zev hesitated in the act of crawling out of the furs to dress, but then forced himself to keep moving. As he shook out his furs, he shrugged.

"It's not even what they did, it's more… I don't know how to explain it. There's a feeling I had when I was there, working with them. A darkness. And when I'm inside straight walls, that feeling comes back.

"

"Like a scent on the wind that creeps in and makes your body feel as if you're in another place,

" Skhal said, nodding.

Zev straightened and looked him.

"Yes. How did you know?

"

Skhal huffed.

"You think you're the only male to experience trauma, Zev? Honestly, I'm surprised you've functioned as well as you have.

"

Zev frowned.

"I've never been unable to function. I just have nightmares, that's all.

"

"And panic attacks.

"

Zev flapped a hand at him.

"I don't panic, I just—

"

"Stop breathing. Feel like you have to escape. Need to be outside?

" Skhal stared at him, brows high, and Zev wanted to growl.

"All of us feel those ways at times.

"

"True. But not when we're otherwise safe. Your instincts kick in because your mind feels unsafe.

"

"I know,

" he said, and let it roll into a growl.

"Don't be angry with me for speaking the truth. It's what you told me you wanted from me, remember?

"

Zev took a deep breath. It was true. He had told Skhal not to hold back. The older wolf was notorious for creating conflict, or raising issues among the wolves that others felt were unnecessary. But Zev had always seen the value in having someone around who questioned everything.

A leader knew they weren't sight-blind when Skhal was at their shoulder, muttering all his cynicism.

It was **ing annoying, though.

Zev finished dressing and stamped his feet. His legs felt a little shaky, but nothing like the day before. He turned to face the wolf who hadn't moved from his spot where he'd kept guard all night. Zev felt a rush of gratitude. He'd been so exhausted he likely wouldn't have heard if a boar had come rootling into the cave.

"Thank you for coming to watch out for me.

"

"It's fine. It's what I'm here for.

"

Zev snorted.

"Babysitting the Alpha?

"

Skhal chuckled.

"Yes, exactly.

"

They grinned at each other for a moment, then Zev looked to the cave mouth to measure the light.

"Did you want to get some breakfast before I go to the Healers? Or do you need to sleep?

"

"I'll sleep. I find my patience with the village growing thin. I'm avoiding it as much as possible. I'll rest today so I can watch again tonight.

"

Zev turned back to him, hoping the truth of his gratitude showed in his face.

"Thank you, friend. This is… You treat me well.

"

Skhal shrugged.

"Like I said, it's why I'm here. I'm apprehensive about Sasha, but oddly optimistic about what you're going to achieve this time, Zev. You've grown—in your mind, as well as your body. I can see the strength in you that you lacked when you left. Whatever happened to bring those years about, the Creator has… refined you in them.

"

Zev's smile fell off his face. He clawed a hand through his hair, shaking his head.

"Nothing that was right has been happening in our lives. If I can get Sasha back… together I think we can make a change.

"

"Why is she needed?

"

"I don't know. She just… sees things I don't see. And I see things she can't. We are stronger together,

" he said, absently rubbing that place at the center of his chest. Then his eyes snapped back up to Skhal.

"She isn't a traitor, or a selfish person. She didn't go to the humans out of some plot, or—

"

"I know,

" Skhal said softly.

Zev blinked.

"Then why did you raise that idea in front of the others? You only plant seeds when you say things like that. I want your challenges, Skhal. I want your wisdom. But sometimes there's a time and place—

"

"I wasn't planting seeds. I'd heard whispers. I spoke what others feared to speak to you directly, so they could all see you address it. If you're going to win them to trust, you have to meet these things head-on, Zev. Your heart is soft and trusting. Most of theirs aren't. Don't shy from answering the unspoken question, or the teeth of it will close on your neck in the dark.

"

Zev considered that carefully.

"Okay, then, I'll make you a deal: You keep raising difficult things like that only when you've heard others speak about them. Otherwise, you come to me in private.

"

Skhal's lips twisted, but he nodded.

"Okay.

"

Zev crossed the space between them and leaned down to share scents.

"I'm grateful for you, brother.

"

Skhal snorted..

"Tell me that next time I grab you by the scruff in front of the Alphas.

"