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n~ SASHA ~

nHe hadn’t explained what he’d meant. When he talked about getting ready that morning, she thought he’d meant they were going out that day. But he’d just kept them at the camp, eating and resting—even sleeping some, though he never seemed to sleep for more than forty-five minutes at a time. They were going to be up late, and moving around at night, he said. And it was a long hike, so he wanted her fed and rested.

nShe touched him as much as she could, and he always responded, turning to look at her when she brushed his arm, or squeezing her hand when she grabbed his.

nHe hadn’t gone cold. He’d just… shut off. It was as if he did everything because it was instinct. The right response to the stimulus provided.

nBut his mind was always elsewhere, and his eyes were often clouded.

nWhen he woke her from yet another nap in the now pitch-dark cave, she startled and he clapped a hand over her mouth.

nThere’s no danger, he said in her head. The humans aren’t moving at night. They keep lights on and stay in their places, which makes them really easy to avoid. This is when it’s safest for us to travel.

nWe’re traveling?

nI just meant, we’re going to be moving around. But, yes, I’m thinking about taking you higher on the mountain.

nHe’d talked about avoiding that earlier in the week because of the cold. He was concerned they didn’t have enough furs.

nShe didn’t question him, knowing he if took them higher it was because he was working to keep her safe.

nThey rolled up the furs and the few items they had collected—a few bunches of winter berries and the few leather straps and a flint that they’d found around the cave from previous inhabitants.

nThen Zev used the straps to tie the rolled furs together into a massive cylinder and loop straps over his shoulders so he could carry them without using his hands. He took Sasha’s hand, and led her out into the dark, reminding her again of all the ways she could move more silently in the forest.

nAnd so they walked.

nAnd walked.

nAnd walked.

nUp hills, and down, through creeks and streams in the low-lying areas, through snow in some of the higher ones. They crawled over boulders and used vines hanging from tree branches to pull themselves up places where the earth had fallen away in the rain.

nSasha was grateful that she’d been doing more physically since she came to Thana. Even so, her body was aching by the time they finally topped a rise then followed it back down into a little hollow where Zev finally sighed and spoke out loud for the first time in three days.

n“We should be safe here for a while,” he said calmly.

nSasha pulled up short and stared at him. “Is there a cave here?” 𝒩𝗈𝒱𝚎𝑳𝔲𝗌𝒷.𝔠𝑶𝓜

n“There is, just around the hillside, that way,” Zev said, nodding off to her right. “We’ll go there before dawn. Right now, it’s time to get warm and clean. Along with our clothes,” he said grimly.

nShe wasn’t sure why this seemed like such a big deal to him, but she was grateful when he pulled her beyond a few trees and thick underbrush to a spot where there was another large pool—very similar to the one he’d taken her to back at the village. Larger than the one they’d shared near the City, this one was a half-moon shape and bubbled up under a thicket of trees.

nSasha sighed happily when she saw the steam rising off the water.

nThe temptation was to plunge in, clothes and all, just to get in, but she was adult about it, and waited for Zev to unwrap the furs so they’d be ready when they got out, then they took their clothes off—Sasha’s skin immediately pebbling—and walked gingerly (for Sasha) on bare feet to the edge of the pool.

nThey sank in slowly, carrying their clothes, and Sasha groaned when she finally had her whole body submerged.

nThe next half hour was taken up with Zev quietly explaining and demonstrating how to wash the clothes for the best result without soap—something they didn’t have, and a scent easy to catch in the forest, even to a human nose.

nThe little lesson ended with him standing behind Sasha as he taught her how to scrub the furs on a rock, half-submerged in the water to remove any flakes or dirt from between the hairs.

nBy this time, her body had relaxed from the warmth of the water. So, when Zev reached around her to show her how to get a better angle on the fur and his chest pressed into her back in that perfect way he had of curling over her, her breath rushed out.

nThey both went still, their hands clutched in her furs. She swallowed.

n“Zev…?”

n“We shouldn’t,” he croaked. Sasha wanted to weep. He’d never had the control to say no like this.

n“Why don’t you want me anymore?” she whispered.

n“Shit, Sasha, that’s not it. I’m afraid of… getting distracted.”

nNeither of them moved. Every breath she took raised her back a little, so the skin of his chest brushed her.

nShe let go of the fur and turned within the circle of his arms, looking up at him. She could barely see his features in the dark, though his eyes were white with black holes, fixed on her. His breath coming faster.

nSwallowing hard, she put one hand to his face, the other she stroked slowly up his thigh so he could stop her if he really wanted to, before she grasped him and began to stroke.

nHe groaned and his eyes closed. He dropped his chin so their cheeks brushed while she slowly pumped him and he grew in her hand.

n“Zev, I—”

n“Don’t talk,” he whispered. “If we… if we’re going to do this, there needs to be quiet, even in my head, so I can hear anything else. Just in case.”

nShe nodded and swallowed. Then she turned just enough to open her mouth on his and he gave another strangled groan.

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