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nChapter 45: Chapter 45

nI turned my head to a familiar voice. Silver hair and blue uniform covered with dust.

nWhen I met his eyes, I saw his face crumpling gradually.

nAt that moment, a group of people stepped in.

n“I didn’t know I would see you so quickly. I’m sorry to call you, Marquis Monique.”

n“I’m honored to see Your Majesty, Crown Prince. I came running here as soon as I got the message, but what happened?”

n“I don’t know, either. She suddenly collapsed, and she is still in bed. The imperial doctor who examined her said that she seemed to have been shocked by something, but he said he didn’t know the cause exactly.”

n“…I see.”

n“I looked into other parts of her body for some clue, but there was nothing unusual. Ah, maybe… ”

n“Do you have any clue, Your Majesty?”

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n“Hmm, no. I don’t want to jump to conclusions. ”

n“Got it, Your Majesty. ”

nAfter bowing to him politely, my father approached me. I looked up at my father, who just stared at me silently for a long time. His blue eyes trembled with anxiety.

n“What’s the matter, Tia? What’s wrong with you? ”

n“… ”

n“What was so shocking to you? What is it that has distressed you so much as to collapse? Huh? Tell me. ”

n“… ”

n“Please tell me anything. I’m so frustrated as you keep your mouth shut. ”

n“… ”

n“Are you upset because I came late? I’m sorry. If I had known this earlier, I would never have left you alone. ”

nAlthough he talked in a very friendly tone, I could not understand well. I heard only the sound of his voice, but its meaning was not conveyed to me. What was he telling me? When I blinked slowly and tilted my head, there was some liveliness in his face. He began to say with a subdued voice, “Can’t you come to your senses?”

n“… ”

n“Are you going to live absent-mindedly like this?”

n“… ”

n“Tia!”

n“… ”

nHe began to shout with a cracked voice. His hardened face was contorted, and his repressed voice was growing bigger. As I didn’t want to hear his cranky voice that broke the peace of my mind, I covered my ears with both hands.

nHe grabbed my arms tightly. Pulling away my hands from my ears, he lamented, “I’ve raised you wrong. As I was worried that you might suffer, I overindulged you when I raised you. As a result, you have grown up as a weak child. ”

n“… ”

n“You often pass out like this. Can you say you are the immediate member of the Monique family since you are weak like this? Why did you say you wanted to learn fencing with such a weak spirit? How come you told me you wanted to succeed the family with this weak mental power! ”

n“… ”

n“Aristia La Monique!”

nWhen I heard his severe rebuke imbued with sadness, I began to understand the combination of meaningless words little by little that sounded like a flowing sound. I could feel my body again gradually. My body was shaking violently. My shoulders felt painful.

n‘What the heck is this?’

nSurprised by his very strange look, I reached out to him, whose face was hardened.

n“Daddy?”

n“Have you come to your senses now?”

n“Why are you here?”

n“Oh my God, you don’t know you have been out of your mind until now.”

n“… ”

n“Whew! I’m relieved to see you coming to your senses. Take a rest today. Let’s talk again tomorrow. ”

nWhile trying to say something, he stopped and slowly raised his body. The blue-haired young man, leaning on the doorway with his arms folded, pulled his body off the wall while watching him.

n“I’m sorry to show you my daughter’s sorry condition, Your Majesty.”

n“No, marquis. Well, I’m sorry to say this in a situation like this, but I think I should leave. They say I can’t delay anymore. ”

n“We’re fine. Please don’t worry.”

n“Thank you. By the way, will you allow me to talk to your daughter for a moment? ”

n“Yes, go ahead please.”

nEven after the door was firmly closed, he said nothing. Why is he so hesitant before talking to me? The longer he kept silent, the more anxious I became. I heard his cold voice when I was fidgeting with the hem of the bed sheet, with my head down.

n“You may have heard it, but I have to leave now.”

n“Yes, Your Majesty.”

n“You.”

n“… ”

n“… Okay, just have some rest. I’ll see you next time,” he said, stopping me from getting up. Wasn’t he about to say something to me? I was puzzled, but I didn’t have the courage to ask him, so I turned and watched him leave. His blue hair was dishevelled and the hem of his white cloak fluttered.

nThump! The door was closed behind him.

nI couldn’t go to sleep. I tried to sleep, with my eyes close, but the more I did so, the harder it was.

nAs I couldn’t stand it, I got out of bed. The room was not very dark thanks to the moonlight coming through the slightly open curtains. I was lost in thought in the dark blue moonlight.

nThe crown prince and I, past and present, and fate.

nWhen I came back to my days as a ten-year-old girl and opened my eyes, I thought it was a dream. But my thinking was shattered when I received God’s prophecy. It didn’t matter whether it was a dream or a reality for me to have come back to childhood. What’s more important was the fact that I was abandoned by God, and that I was determined to crush something that God described as fate.

nSince I didn’t want to repeat my terrible past, I desperately looked for a way, but it wasn’t that easy.

nI couldn’t even think of revenge because of my fate entangled with the imperial family, and I didn’t want to gamble on the lives of people around me who became precious to me little by little. Moreover, unlike the old me, I even had the right to succeed to the throne. As a result I could be charged with treason if I acted strangely.

nI found a way in the hard way despite all the difficulties, but unfortunately, it took a lot of time. That’s why I’ve avoided being entangled with the imperial family and went running to achieve the goal while being careful not to get his attention. Unlike my past, I was loved by my father, favored by many knights, and cared for by Allendis and Carsein a lot, but I could not open my heart to them because I couldn’t afford to look around me.

nAt first, it was okay to me. I thought that if I tried hard, I would certainly change my destiny.

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nBut time was running out, and the path I chose became increasingly distant. The more I felt so, the more desperate I became. I spent a sleepless night, trembling with anxiety every day because I suspected that I could not change my fate, I could not escape him forever and, in the end, I could be hurt and lose my life again.

nI might have passed out two days ago because all my deepening worries burst out into the open finally. When I unconsciously remembered his tastes, followed him and checked his countenance, I found the same old me in the past. I was aghast when I saw the shackles of the past that were choking my throat. It seemed to me that the god that I was vigorously rejecting was laughing at me, telling me I would never get out of my fate no matter how hard I tried because it was my destiny.

n‘However… ‘

nI bit my lips. Was it really true? At first glance, it seemed that nothing has changed so much from the past, but his actions and words at the dinner the other day were very different from what I remembered about him. The reason I kept my distance from him until now was probably because he was somewhat different from the man whom I used to know.

nI couldn’t figure out what it was, but it was certain that he changed recently. If he had not changed, he would never have recognized that I tried hard to satisfy his taste.

nSuddenly, I had one question. If he really changed, what was it? I tried to compare his past and present self, I couldn’t because I had too many memories of him. I sighed because I felt frustrated.

nI saw stationery and a pen on the table. Yes, that’s it. With the moonlight coming in, I opened a shiny silver paper, dipping the pen in ink. When organizing my thoughts, it was best for me to write it down.

nI tapped the paper with a pen. When I tried to write something, I couldn’t get out what I wanted to write.

n“Whew!”

nAfter hesitating for a long time, I slowly began to write finally. I started with the first letters gorgeously on the silver stationery.

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