n

n

n.

n‘What?’ After a moment of wonder, the meaning of her words soon left me feeling absolutely shattered.

nBoth Choi Yuri and I didn’t say anything for a while. After she had finished speaking, she stood fuming while looking at me, whereas I just sat on my knees and dropped my gaze at the floor.

nI felt two guys of the Four Symbols, who were standing near the warehouse door, turning around to look this way in the sudden silence.

nMeanwhile, I just stared at Choi Yuri’s face for quite a while. She looked devastated by her broken heart and injured pride. Scowling at me with bloodshot eyes, she detached her lips again.

n“Are you a god or what? If not, is the world a theater and you’re a scriptwriter? What the hell are people and I to you?”

nI still couldn’t say anything. Choi Yuri continued to speak with her eyes fastened on me.

n“Did you say Eun Jiho won’t listen to me? Although he does so, it will still be meaningless? I would mean nothing to him forever? Is that what you’re talking to me?”

nI didn’t put it that harsh, but it was true that those thoughts were in my mind. That was because Eun Jiho and Choi Yuri were… I bit my lips.

nAs far as I knew Eun Jiho and Choi Yuri would never make love happen between them.

nWhen I had that thought in my head, Choi Yuri poured out questions hysterically.

n“How do you know? What makes you so confident about that? From what? Who the fu*k are you to say so?”

n“I… I…”

nI just wished there were no more people who were hurt by hopeless love. I didn’t want anyone walking along the thorny path in trust of there would be something at the end. Including myself, I just hoped there was no one.

nWhile I just left those words unspoken, Choi Yuri’s remark hailed down on me like bullets.

n“Why are you looking at me like I’m incomprehensible when I’m trying so hard to get involved with him, influence each other, and squeeze myself in to take up space in his life…? Why are you seeing me as someone defying the odds?”

nBreathing shortly from exertion for a while, Choi Yuri kept on gushing.

n“You aren’t even trying at all! You’ve given up everything from the beginning, but why are you always staring at me with a disbelieving look? It feels like I’m still out of the spotlight when I’ve already gotten them by my side.”

n“That’s because…”

nThat’s because the only role I’m allowed to play is watching from the sidelines; the role you’re playing is just different from mine.

nI couldn’t say those words this time as well. When I, again, remained silent for quite a while, Choi Yuri showed a bitter sneer as if she knew I would react that way.

nShe then walked toward me and sat with her knees bent right in front. Meeting my eye level, she continued to speak with a lowered voice as if she was telling me a secret.

n“You know what? Actually I don’t care about what others think of me. Whether they throw a miserable glance at me or not and even Eun Jiho or Ban Yeo Ryung deem me pathetic, I don’t give a **. Those are nothing to me, but the look in your eyes… I hate your look of sympathy at me the most, get it?”

n“…”

n“Who the hell are you to behave that you know all the results? Why are you looking at me like a person challenging the impossible? Who the fu*k are you to do so?!”

nShe then drove in a wedge with her last words.

n“Are you a god or what?”

n“…”

nIn the deafening silence that soon prevailed the space, I couldn’t say anything.

nBreaking out in a cold sweat, I cast my eyes down at the floor for a long time then lifted my head back.

nThere stood Choi Yuri, the girl with brown hair, brown eyes, and a run-of-the-mill appearance. Looking at her face quite resembling mine, I once thought that she wouldn’t play more than a supporting role in this novel.

nHowever, what have I been thinking of Choi Yuri?

nDue to our similar appearance, I might have regarded her as my mirror. That was because no matter how hard we try, we wouldn’t be able to play something more than our fixed roles.

nJust like me, I wished she didn’t long for something that she couldn’t acquire. Although she put forth a great deal of effort, nothing would be gained, so I hoped she wasn’t at the pains of doing such a thing.

nI was sympathetic with Choi Yuri, who would get nothing just like me, and even felt pity for not being aware of the fact.

nThat was why I advised her on Eun Jiho just now. No matter what she does, no amount of effort would make her existence even a speck in Eun Jiho’s mind.

nBecause that was meant to be.

nI raised my head to look at her again.

nThe shower of her scathing words shattered the world in my head that I had built solidly for years. Her remark made it easily collapse as if it was a sandcastle.

nA world where everyone was made of words on paper… A world where people were trapped in chess pieces unable to see themselves and each could only move in a set direction…

nChoi Yuri, just now, broke the world, which might have deceived all the people, into pieces with her hammer-like remark.

nI directed my eyes on her. She, who was putting her face closely on mine, looked like a giant shadow because of the backlight of the warehouse.

n“Now you see?” she asked.

nShe then yelled out again, “Now you see me?”

nI nodded blankly. Only then did I have something striking my mind.

nPerhaps this was the first time for me to face a ‘person,’ at last, ever since I entered this world. A real person’s face… which I should never recklessly judge one’s value… No end was set yet. No one could know that and should not know such a thing.

nThe future was open; it wasn’t fixed. That was uncertainty, but at the same time, the reason why people were able to dream of a better future. Dreaming of better tomorrow was a person’s greatest right and freedom.

nI had a dream one day. In that dream, I walked endlessly on the single path drawn by light in the dark while being lost in thought.

nIs everything predetermined life a blessing or a misfortune?

nWhat about the life of a person who already knows that? Is that life also a blessing or not?

nWhen a person knows that there is only one path and nothing can be changed no matter how hard he or she tries, is that knowledge a gift or a calamity?

nAnd now, Choi Yuri was answering those questions right in front of me. Her voice sounded the clearest that I ever heard from her.

nI murmured, ‘I was wrong about Choi Yuri.’

nI thought she was doing reckless things only because she was set to do so. It was the flow and the script that made her act like that. These were the thoughts that I had in mind until now.

nHowever, I was utterly wrong. Choi Yuri, the smart and ambitious girl who easily drove me to the corner in the past while using the hands of others, didn’t lose her sound judgment because of such reasons.

nIt was simply because she wanted Eun Jiho. She desired him too much that she thought it didn’t matter at all to lose anything. It was her will to abandon everything and choose a faint possibility.

nLooking at me with glaring eyes for a while, Choi Yuri uttered again.

n“I’m gonna struggle to succeed whether you think I’m pathetic or not.”

nI just nodded in a daze. That was the only thing I could do for now.

n“I will continue to do so. You can’t trap me in your stereotype! Don’t you dare define me in your way. Get it?”

n“Yes, I got it…”

nEven though I tried to enunciate with all my heart, Choi Yuri didn’t seem to believe it. Shaking her head hysterically, she blurted out, “No, you don’t understand at all.”

n“For what reason?”

n“Have you ever fallen in love with someone?”

n“…”

nI was tongue-tied this time since that was what I never did and even thought about.

n