.

I’ve never put much effort into my relationship with these kids. So to speak, I’ve always been passive like buoys swaying on the waves. That’s because I’ve thought things started and ended up to them, not me.

If Yoo Chun Young didn’t change his mind when he was angry, I thought our relationship would last just until there, so I never deliberately tried to appease him or blow off his steam. That was why the little argument between him and me went so long before we entered high school.

I thought, ‘But what if you don’t grab my hand when I stretch it out to you?’

Our story was only written up to here; no chapters about us would exist afterward. What if I didn’t know about this, but I still stretched my hand out to you? If I got to know that nothing was left between us, I would be too afraid to endure the situation.

I gave strength to my hand that was holding my cell phone.

That was why I couldn’t initiate a conversation first after fighting with Yoo Chun Young. I just waited still for him to talk to me first and expected the moment, which he would open the path between us. It was the same even now. I was pouring out all kinds of stuff to him right now as if I had piled up so many unspoken words in my mind and was being so excited that he finally called me first.

Rambling these thoughts in my head, I bit my lips. That was when his response returned. I lifted my eyes.

Next time, just talk to me as if nothing has happened.

Squinting my eyes for a moment, I asked him back.

“Are you sure?”

It only applies to you.

“…”

When I just flickered my eyes wordlessly, he seemed to be thinking that I didn’t understand his remark even though it was something very simple.

Yoo Chun Young then articulated his words differently this time.

I’m allowing only you to do that.

“Oh.”

I mean… we both can do that.

When his words scattered all away in the quiet room, I got to grasp what he actually meant.

That was when I heard some noises coming over the phone simultaneously. They sounded like noises from bustling market street or hardware store. As my eyes widened, Yoo Chun Young replied urgently.

Oh, I should leave now.

“Um, yeah.”

Let’s keep in touch.

Instead of saying he would call me back, Yoo Chun Young just hung up the phone.

Looking down at the call that suddenly ended, I felt bewildered. I was very aware that he went abroad this time because of having a tight schedule as a model; therefore, how could I reach out to him while choosing his best time to talk?

Sitting still with a frown for quite a while, I slowly raised my head. Well, maybe I could just send him a text before making a call. Thinking that way, I flopped down on my bed.

After the call ended, the air of the room returned to silence; however, it was, somehow, different from the nervous and quiet air that surrounded me earlier. This time, it felt warm and cozy as if I were inside someone’s arms.

With my cell phone still in my hand, I fell into thought while slowly drifting off to sleep.

Just like Choi Yuri, Yoo Chun Young made me think about something that I didn’t think of.

Was I really putting a black mark against these kids… I mean, against all the people in this world? If so, wasn’t that a way of committing violence? Perhaps, that was why I still couldn’t accept that Yoo Chun Young and I were close friends. In other words, this was also another way of branding something.

I slowly closed my eyes.

My memories went back to the day when I was a senior in middle school. Yoo Chun Young and I were looking down at the schoolyard. For some reason, he stretched out his hand to me and grabbed my hand. Of course, it never actually happened.

His hand in my dream felt somehow warm, even though it wasn’t happening in a real situation. The warmth of summer created a wet veil between our hands.

Looking at Yoo Chun Young, I asked, ‘Why couldn’t I think of you as a real person when I could feel how warm our holding hands were? Why couldn’t I regard you as a person the same as me? Why…?’

Wouldn’t it be too late?

Saying such thinks inside my dreams, I opened my eyes. I was in a daze for a while, looking up at the ceiling.

* * *

Eun Jiho and Yoo Chun Young returned to Korea a day before the end of summer break.

Still, Eun Jiho was arriving especially too late, which was around midnight, so I, of course, thought that we would meet at school tomorrow.

However, I was perplexed to get his call out of the blue.

I asked back, “What? Right now?”

If you can’t make it, then never mind. Ban Yeo Ryung isn’t even replying to the text. Maybe she’s asleep.

“Of course, she might be sleeping. What time do you think she goes to bed?” I replied while feeling dumbfounded.

Oh, yeah, anyway, can you just come down for a second?”

I tried to respond, if he was out of his mind in the middle of the night; however, when thinking about Eun Jiho, who had to leave us and fly abroad just a few days after our kidnapping incident, I just sealed my mouth.

Knitting my forehead, I groaned, ‘Okay, I understand that Eun Jiho still wants to check if we’re fine.’

His following words then made me put my shoes on as quickly as I could.

I got some souvenirs for your family. A bottle of whiskey and a bracelet for your parents, and handmade chocolate for you.

Dude, you must wait in a queue to buy this… As Eun Jiho bragged, as usual, I replied, ‘Yeah, yeah,’ while putting my shoes on.

My mom asked me, “Where are you going at this time?”

“Eun Jiho told me he has some souvenirs and a bottle of whiskey to give us.”

“Enjoy and get back soon, my dear.”

Listening to my father as well my mother quickly replying that way, I burst into a giggle and stepped outside.

Walking along the hallway, I looked down under the railing and found a familiar car parked in front of my apartment. A guy standing under the streetlamp in front of the playground was dazzling his brilliant silver hair.

When we finally met in front of the playground, Eun Jiho first handed me three boxes with a grin. I could tell at a glance that one of them had a bottle of whiskey inside. Sure enough, it was heavy.

“Ma… c… million?”

When I stammered reading the letters while looking around the box in the lamplight, Eun Jiho blurted out beside me.

“Macallan.”

“Dude, even the name sounds so classy.”

“Of course, it is. It’s from me. What did you expect?”

Oh, yeah, why not? I was so used to Eun Jiho always talking so confidently and proudly about himself, and therefore, I couldn’t say anything.

Scowling… no, pretending to scowl at Eun Jiho with narrowed eyes, I soon burst into a fit of giggles. Anyway, thankfully Eun Jiho looked like he recovered his spirit a little. I was glad to find out forming a common front with Ban Yeo Ryung against Eun Jiho’s anxiety had been helpful to him in many ways.

The other two boxes were lightweight, which indeed would have a bracelet and chocolate inside. When I tried to turn around while holding the boxes in my arms, Eun Jiho flung a question.

“Did you finish writing the career survey sheet?”

“Oh…”

That was how we turned out to sit at the playground for a moment.

We each sat on the empty swings and stared at each other. The distance between us felt quite delicate. When I swung myself back and forth with the Macallan box on my knees thoughtlessly, Eun Jiho, sitting beside me, spoke with a pale face.

“Hey, you better put that thing down.”

“Why? Would it break?”

“No… but so to speak, I’m afraid your father will be sad.”

Now I began to feel anxious in a different sense. Even if he felt sorry for my parents probably because of the kidnapping incident, how much expensive liquor was he giving to them as a gift? Should I browse the price as soon as I get back to my room or bury all these in the darkness and pretend that I had no idea about it? When I wondered about these thoughts in my head, Eun Jiho asked me again.

“So, what happened to the career survey sheet?”

“Oh…”

I lapsed into silence for a second.

Digging the sand under the swing with my toe quietly, I then switched my gaze to the sky. Eun Jiho also tilted his head back following my stare.

The summer night sky of Seoul was full of dust and the light was too bright to see the stars. There were dark-red clouds above our heads. Looking up at the scenery for quite a while, I, at last, dropped the words that had been wandering around my tongue.