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"If you don't know, then just stay further away from me.

"

nOne could tell that Noah was really pushing himself to say those words at that moment.

nNoah was struggling.

nHe wanted to uphold his morals which was only getting increasingly hard the longer he stayed here, but his feet were rooted to the ground.

nNow, he could only hope that Emilin would leave, storm off even, first.

nHe needed her to throw him away so that he could finally leave, while also attempting to leave this useless feeling behind.

nHoping it had been a mirage all along so that he wouldn't truly have to admit to having become the shallow person that he was now questioning himself to be.

nOn the other hand, this was actually rather favorable for Emilin, who was still trying to process.

nShe was crushed.

nIf this were a manhwa, there would be a loading bar moving at a snail's pace on her face, or right above it while another 4 tons of rocks with the words *stay further away from me* written down on them as blood dripped down one side of her mouth.

nThat was the kind of scene it would be, or at least that would be true for a second there.

nBecause in the very next, things would get serious again. After all, this was a serious matter.

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"Why?

"

nThis time it was Emilin's turn to ask why.

nHer throat was dry and her voice cracked a little, still, it was noticeable that she wasn't feeling well, her whole mood was off.

nThere was another dreadful silence as Noah didn't know what they were talking about anymore and Emilin was still in a midst of half a mental breakdown.

nFor the past two weeks, Emilin had done so much to build up just this much courage, yet she was crushed one time after another.

nHer string was just that close to snapping and all the friction wasn't helping.

nAnd this wasn't entirely about Noah, but rather Noah and everyone else before him. All those failed attempts were getting to her and she had no one she could talk to about it, so it was accumulated stress.

nHer nerves were at their limits as Emilin felt like her mind could burst at any moment.

nShe had this impulse, wanting to just cover her head, her ears, her eyes, and every other signal receptor so that her nerves wouldn't get overloaded, yet at the same time, not wanting to look conspicuous

nIt just so happened that Noah was the one in front of her when it all snapped.

nNothing more, nothing less.

nBefore this very moment, Emilin had no way to vent, not in front of others nor her family, and in the end, that emotional burden was what brought her to this instance.

nAnd even if she had thought of venting before, it wasn't anything she would resort to, since oftentimes, venting would affect the other person's mood, something that Emilin couldn't possibly do.

nEmilin could feel her eyes searing hot, ready to produce tears at a moment's notice, but Emilin held it in with a sniff.

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"Wh-why does this always happen to me? What did I do wrong? Di-did I ask to be like this? No.

"

nEmilin's voice trembled as she sniffed all her tears back where they came from.

nEmilin had these thoughts countless times, more than she could care to remember, yet this was, in fact, the first time she had voiced them out like this, with someone else in front of her.

nOf course, she didn't want to be like this, and Emilin had always believed that she would be able to make friends at some point in time, after all, humans weren't made to live alone.

nNo.

nThey simply couldn't survive in solitude, it wasn't that they weren't made for it, it was that they simply couldn't live without social interactions.

nAfter all, those were often times what made people human.

nAnyone would break down when they felt like they were alone in this world, and no one was an exception.

nIf someone could live alone in this world, chances are they were already broken down. Dismantled by society or by genetics.

nAnd in Emilin's heart, she felt all kinds of unfairness about this.

nShe had already lived one life in solitude, so why couldn't it be different this time?

nWhy is it so hard?

nFrustration accumulated throughout her 15 years of this life, 12 of which she had spent trying to talk to other people and failing miserably, was now hitting her hard.

nThere was a point in time when Emilin had thought, no, had convinced herself that she would be fine with just her family. The ones who loved her, who would stay with her no matter what.

nWhen she first found her heart clench at every instance she tried to talk to others, she had told herself that it would be okay, after all, she had already obtained more warmth than all of her past life in those few years.

nYet she was only human.

nA greedy, greedy human.

nShe had thought that she would be okay with what she had, yet she couldn't help but reach for something more.

nA friendship that was created by her and someone else, and not just something handed to her due to blood relations.

nEmilin was always seeking more, even if she pretended to be okay in front of others, including her family, including Theodore, including herself.

nEmilin would oftentimes bush things off as a joke, insinuating discreetly to her brothers that her not being able to hold a conversation with others wasn't that big of a deal to her, or to anyone in general.

nAs if anyone would be okay not being able to communicate with people of their age.

nIt wasn't normal, or healthy, but because she didn't want her family to worry, she had secretly convinced them that it was, before they even asked.

nNot hypnosis, just psychological hints.

nBut even that much was not okay.

nAs time passed, Emilin started to doubt.

nShe started to doubt her worth. She wasn't confident in herself.

nWhen she was alone, Emilin often questioned whether she was being a bother to the people around her, whether she was wanted.

nEmilin loved the warmth from her parents and brothers, but it was also that very warmth that made her question herself.

nWhether she deserved such an amazing feeling.

nWhether she was simply a burden to her family, who always cared for her.

nYet she was only human.

nA selfish, selfish human.

nEven if she didn't deserve it, she would take it all for herself.

nThis had nothing to do with her other skills, the ones that she hadn't worked for, the ones that she had obtained simply from having suffered in her past life.

nThis had to do with whether her family would still care for her in the same way if they knew everything.

nEverything that Emilin would never tell them because she was only human.

nA cowardly human.

nShe was weak.

nAnd she was especially weak because she didn't show it.

nThe strong people have always been those who were able to be candid with the emotions that they felt, to acknowledge them, to be true to them, and then to express them. Not the ones who suppressed them, hoping they would disappear, cowering in fear of what they could produce.

nOf what they could become.

nEmilin wasn't strong.

nPeople who had friends could vent, vent to their friends about their troubles, but Emilin had no such privilege.

nThe leading cause of all her suppressed emotions.

nPeople often take it for granted that they have people they can talk to, people who support them, people who are willing to listen.

nMany people took their friends for granted.

nThat was one thing that Emilin would never, ever, not in this lifetime, not in her last, and not in her next, ever do.

nAnd now here she was, about to shed tears of sorrow because she was too weak to do anything else about it.

nAnd yet somehow, these tears were also the bravest things she had ever shed.

nThese were the tears used to express her emotions. The ones that she had held in for years, a physical expression of her weakness and her suffering.

nThese were tears of frustration, sadness, loneliness, depression, and finally, they were tears of joy.

nBecause they were tears of liberation.

nLiberation of the emotions that she had sealed for years, the very ones that she had desperately suppressed while pretending to be the strongest, most unfazed person on earth.

nSuppressed while deluding herself to believe that they weren't there.

nThey were very much present, eating at her, bite after bite.

nAnd now, she was free of them all.

nThese tears symbolized her weakness, displaying it for anyone who wanted to see.

nBut so what?

nShe was only human.

nA simple human, like anyone, and everyone else.

n***

nToday, let us all be more accepting of others so that tomorrow, we can all be more accepting of ourselves.

n- Youlier

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